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An Unexpected Success By Patricia Cavanaugh

joevanderkooy — Fri, 30 Jul 2010 19:19:10 +0000

BLOG: An Unexpected Success

by Patricia Cavanaugh

I had a new coaching client come to me last year. She just couldn’t seem to get focused about her next steps. She felt that something needed to change but she didn’t know what. Her 60th birthday was looming; she wanted to be able to truly celebrate it and not dread it. She felt over-whelmed and unfocused. Her thoughts were spinning; she wasn’t able to sleep at night.

At first she wasn’t sure she wanted to commit to the time required by coaching. I put the amount of time we would spend (1 1/2hour every two weeks) in perspective. How much time was being used up to worry? When we added up the “worrying” hours, she was spending more time worrying than the 3 hours a month of meetings.

She was also concerned that I would not really be able to get her focused because none of the self-help books she had read had been helpful. I spoke about the difference it makes to be accountable to someone else rather than just herself. She made the commitment to 12 sessions.

Every session built on the previous one. As we broke open each issue we began to build a plan step
by step or as Annie Lamott recommends in her book
“Bird by Bird”
( http://www.amazon.com/Bird-Some-Instructions-Writing-Life/dp/0385480016 ) .

By the end of our work together my client had created a room of her own in the room her youngest child had vacated. She began to design a sacred place for her daily prayer and reflection. This daily process was critical to the changes she wanted to make in her life.

From this quiet space in her own home, she clarified what part of her professional work she wanted to take forward with her into her new life and what part she wanted to leave behind. She began to develop marketing materials that fit her new inner image of her self. She also started to change her exterior presentation for a new and updated appearance.

The bi monthly guidance meetings (www.the3rdact.com/coaching ) helped her to stay focused and to see her successes. We were able to use her dreams, which had always been a powerful tool for her self-exploration, in a way that supported her new life. We interpreted and integrated what her dreams were telling her about her new retirement plan

By the time our work was complete, my client and her professional life were transformed. She was amazed at how much she had accomplished and was delighted with the new energy she had that fueled both her professional and personal life.

“The 30 Year Bonus” by Bev Scott

joevanderkooy — Tue, 09 Mar 2010 22:27:40 +0000

Do you know about the “30 year bonus”? If you are in your late 50’s or 60’s you have the potential of living another 30 or 40 years! That is significantly more than our parents could ever imagine.

The average life expectancy at age 65 in this country was reported by the US Government in 2005 to be 85. And, depending on your health, vitality and life style your life expectancy may be 95 or more. If you are under 65, you may live well into your 100’s. Centenarians are currently the fastest growing segment of our population. We are indeed living longer!

Given that we have the potential of another 30 years of life after age 65, how do you want to live it? When I envision my life in the next 30 years, I want to be healthy, vital and active; I want to continue growing and learning and I want to be engaged in activities that have meaning and purpose for me. I am guessing that you want something similar. Many of our readers are not yet 65, and some of you aren’t even close. But, I bet you want to have a similar positive image of your life after 50 or 65, too. What can we do to ensure that vision of a vital, active and purposeful life is fulfilled?

Science tells us that most of our aging is influenced by our lifestyle. The good news is that we can make changes that will enhance our lives and increase our longevity. It is helpful to raise questions about our current lives– the physical, emotional, professional, personal, social and spiritual dimensions—to clarify for ourselves how we are living our lives and to identify what we may want to change so we can take advantage of that 30 year bonus.

Physical

In our second act, many of us neglect our fitness, gain some weight and maybe find our cholesterol or blood pressure too high for good health. Of course, loss of our health is unpredictable and something of a wildcard. Yet we know that daily workouts, eating nutritious low fat meals packed with vegetables and fruits and getting 6-8 hours of sleep will help us stay strong and vital and combat serious disease and health challenges. I think most of us would prefer a span of 30 healthy vital years with a quick decline than 30 years of decay. How is your current health and fitness? Do you have a commitment to support your health and wellness? Do you need to take some action to lose weight, quit smoking, improve your diet or get more rest?

Emotional

Popular stereotypes would lead us to believe that most of us go through a mid-life crises between 40 and 60 leading to unhappiness and depression. Yet researchers who have been studying the development process of our lives report that, far from being a time of turmoil, dissatisfaction and dread of getting old, only a small percent of participants report having a midlife crises (23% in the MacArthur Foundation Research Network Study) and in many cases it had nothing to do with aging. Based on the results of this study most people are entering their sixth or seventh decades with increased feeling of well-being, equanimity, a sense of control over many parts of their lives and feeling younger than their years. An AARP study in 2006 also reports that 85% of those who have already retired are satisfied with their lives. These studies suggest that aging is not the dreaded time of our imaginations, but rather with intention and focus we can create a joyful and satisfying third act. What brings you joy, pleasure and deep satisfaction? Do you take action to lift your mood when you are feeling down so the dark clouds don’t linger in your life? Do you take time to enjoy the small pleasures of each day? How can you continue to find those emotional rewards in the coming years?

Professional

For many of us our careers bring achievements, deep personal fulfillment and the financial rewards of success in our chosen fields. Such success may have also mean the stressful demands of long hours and hard work. Many of us have had two full time jobs – raising children and a career. When we reach 55, 60 or 65, many of us are ready to “slow down”, have more time for relaxation and to enjoy other interests. Yet some of us do not want to quit entirely or financially can’t afford to stop bringing in income. The current financial recession has impacted many of us through job losses or reduced savings. The Harris Poll and Ken Dychtwald report in 2009 that 70% of us envision retirement to include work either part time or going back and forth between periods of work and periods of leisure. 60% of participants in the study describe retirement as an “opportunity for a new, exciting chapter in life” with a startling 46% of us wanting to do something new, like start a new business or new career. Others of us want to use our professional skills in ways that contribute and make a difference to our community or to the world. Do you want or need to continue to work? Are you interested in launching something new? How much do you want or need to work? How do you want to continue using your skills, experience and your time?

Personal

Full time work and raising a family leaves little time to pursue hobbies, leisure time activities or make contributions as a volunteer. As our family obligations are reduced and we think of working part time or even leaving our work and careers, new and exciting opportunities open up. We can pursue long delayed dreams, complete neglected projects, learn to play the piano, speak Spanish, study history, or make a meaningful contributions to causes about which we are passionate. The 60 year olds in the AARP study reported that they wanted to spend time with loved ones, engage in their interests and hobbies or make time to do what they had always wanted to do. Do you have a passion to make a difference, to contribute to your community? Do you have dreams or projects you have longed to plunge into with time to pursue and accomplish? Do you have subjects you want to explore or skills you want to learn?

Social

One of our most important measures of success is having loving family and friends. As we age, spending time with family and friends becomes increasingly important and a critical part of our support system which can help us stay healthy and independent. Yet, during our second act we are often so busy that these relationships suffer sometimes irreparably. The latest scientific findings reported in “Why Good Things Happen to Good People” connect generous behavior to happiness, health and longevity. As we age we have more time to contribute to the community and to causes we care about. Active involvement in volunteering also brings meaning as we serve a cause greater than ourselves. What actions are you taking to maintain connection to good friends and extended family? Do you set aside special time to spend with parents, children, grandchildren? What organizations or causes do you care about and how are you contributing your time and skills to be involved?

Spiritual

The multi-tasking, over-scheduled life cruising on auto-pilot leaves little time to explore the questions of deeper meaning in our lives. We may be burned out, disenchanted with the “rewards” of climbing the corporate ladder, demands of travel; or when time does emerge, we are often at a loss, drifting and feeling somehow empty of purpose and direction. Many of us may feel that somehow during our second act, we set aside something important we want to retrieve. Or after our children leave home, we need something else to give our lives meaning and purpose. The experts suggest that the changes that matter during this time are more often spiritual and psychological. Are you asking what you are called to do and what will provide meaning and purpose in this next phase of your life? Is your life fulfilled and guided by your spiritual beliefs? Have you found purpose and meaning in making a contribution to something greater than you are?

Regardless of how close you are to 65, you can not apply for your 30 year bonus unless you are even now taking steps to clarify and enhance your life in these areas. There are several websites listed below which enable you to enter information about your health and your life style to determine your virtual age and your life expectancy. I encourage you to try one. I found it both surprising and motivating. According to the longevity calculator, I might be living to 103! (I hadn’t really thought about living past 90!) And it reminded me of the short cuts I take when I am busy and distracted that potentially take health and years off my life. What is your virtual age? Your life expectancy? Will you be taking advantage of the 30 year bonus? Let me know your results.

http://moneycentral.msn.com/investor/calcs/n_expect/main.asp

http://longevitycalculator.aarp.org

http://livingwellalah.com/

Role Models by Patricia Cavanaugh

joevanderkooy — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 21:28:27 +0000

We all need role models to show us the way. But do we have role models for this new generation entering into our 3rd Acts”? We are beginning to bring together all the themes and sub plots we want to keep in our lives. Who will show us the way; who will be a model to guide us in weaving together what we cherish from our first and second acts with how we want to be in our third act? We all have different aspirations for our third act but most of us want to move towards completing our life in an authentic way.

We know people in our lives who have aged well. But no generation before us has had the longevity boost of thirty years. We are the first generation to enter this territory. Perhaps Theodore Roszak is a model. He continues to write inspiring words. He has just delivered his newest book “The Making of an Elder Culture”. It is another provocative, challenging work from the man that help to explain the 60’s generation to their elders in “The Making of a Counter Culture”. He calls forth the idealism that many of us in the 60’s acted on.

Ted Roszak looks to Maggie Kuhn, the founder of the Gray Panthers of Berkeley, who said “old people and women constitute America’s biggest untapped and undervalued human energy source.” We don’t call ourselves old people now but Maggie was definitely on to something. She has passed on, but even so, she challenges us to move forward in a new and more inclusive relational way.
For me, I think of Jimmy Carter as a role model. Here is a man who held the reins of power of the mightiest country in the world and found a way to move beyond even this seductive 2nd act focus on external power and a sense of failure to a place of poetry and peace. He continues to write and travel the world with a message that emanates not from doing but from a bursting forth of authentic being and a blending of the best of his gifts.

I believe that one of our tasks as the Generatarians (a term I am using to describe one side of the dialectic that Erik Erikson related to us in his stages of life i.e.: generativity vs. stagnation), is to create new role models for the generations to follow.

I think our model must include a conscious embrace of death. We can demonstrate that the awareness of death can be an aid to clarification of focus and desire.

It should also include an exploration of the nature and value of being and presence; and that this state brings to our movement through life, a sense of grace and gratitude.

Studies are showing us that much of the brain activity that elders have is focused on the right side of the brain. This is the area of the brain that relates to emotion and relationship. So our new role model most also include a more right brain perspective. A perspective where emotional connection with other humans moves to the forefront of our interests. Leaving subjective “me first” focus in the background. Quite a switch given that we are also known as the “Me” generation.

Our sense of compassion and collaboration as opposed to individualism and self-interest will be a part of the mix, as well as a reconfiguration of what it means to be truly masculine and feminine as our bodies transform their shape and hormones dip and shift.

As we move forward we will be creating maps for those who follow. Let us join together as cartographers, mapping as much of the terrain as we can, using the insights of the heart and the wisdom of experience.

New Options for the Second Half of Life by William A. Sadler, PhD (PART II)

joevanderkooy — Sat, 08 Aug 2009 19:12:15 +0000

Part II: How can we experience fulfillment in the third age?

I believe that our biggest challenge in the third age is to tap our creative potential and set a new direction – to change course. After more than 50 years of living, we have built up a reservoir of experience, knowledge, insight, and skills that form the basis for creativity and wisdom. I discovered from the people I’ve interviewed over time, that they have been experiencing the R words by applying what I call the six paradoxical principles of second growth. The first principle is mindful reflection and risk taking. All of these people have been asking probing questions about themselves, where they want to go next in their lives, and what really matters. But after turning within, they take risks of doing something different to realize a dream. The second principle is realistic optimism. These two principles are applied to four areas in our lives: a third age identity, meaningful work and play, expanding freedom and intimate relationships, and greater caring – for others, for self, for community, and for the future. We tap our creativity to experience fulfillment by applying these principles to shape our own distinctive life design after 50. That is, we nurture our growth with third age life planning.

Third age life planning is particularly important for people thinking about what retirement might mean to them personally. Like many Baby Boomers, all of the people in our study have rejected the conventional model of retirement, which has meant not working. With a 30-year life bonus, conventional retirement is inappropriate. In my last book, written with Dr. Fay Bower, we developed practical applications to help third age nurses redesign their lives and their work to build new career strategies.

A major focus of third age life planning is on developing a new personal identity for the third age. Instead of relying upon roles and external achievements, people in our study have been asking: who do I want to become next? As a surgeon expressed it: I have been trying to be the best doctor I can be. I still want that – but now I’m asking: how can I become a whole person? This task also calls for redefining success. As a woman lawyer put it: I’m on a quest – how can I make a contribution? What legacy can I leave? Many have seen their new identities focusing on a deeper sense of meaning and purpose. As a former business leader put it: I now see that my purpose is to develop my potential, to become the person I can be, and to share. People like these individuals have been developing a fuller, richer sense of self than they had in their second age, and by doing so have been experiencing a greater sense of fulfillment than they had previously known.

The third principle, building a new sense of identity, is primarily about becoming. But it also involves doing. Contrary to the conventional view of retirement, these people have been redesigning their work to fit a growing sense of self. They may have left jobs, but they are still committed to productive, meaningful endeavors. We call these third age careers, which are quite differently shaped from careers in our second age. Whether it’s radically different from our second age career or a redesign of the work we have been doing for years, most Baby Boomers will choose to keep growing by working in new ways. As Marc Friedman has suggested, Boomers will redefine retirement by finding work that matters. The people in my last two books have often redefined retirement as a graduation, which means a commencement to something new and different – and that includes new ways to work.

We found the term life portfolio to be a graphic way to describe the process we have seen in these creative people. As artists build a portfolio by including a variety of their art forms and styles, people engaged in third age life planning have integrated their values, interests, commitments, and activities into their personal lives. We have called this a third age life portfolio. The major components include their redefined work and play, passions and new adventures, personal relationships, new interests and activities, civic engagement, and personal development, including learning, health care, and spirituality.

Most studies of positive aging have been focusing on the last decades of life. My research, however, has focused on the third quarter in the life course, the third age. Those of us engaged in third age life planning have been discovering substantially different options opening up after 50. Because third age planning calls for a new set of life skills, most of us need some help from trained personal coaches. If we learn take charge of the direction of our lives in the third age, we shall sustain second growth and experience fulfillment, and lay a solid foundation for unprecedented positive aging in the fourth age.

References:
Fay Bower and William Sadler. WHY RETIRE? CAREER STRATEGIES FOR THIRD
AGE NURSES. (Indianapolis: Sigma Theta Tau International, 2009)
Gene Cohen. THE MATURE MIND. (New York: Basic Books, 2005)
Marc Freedman. ENCORE: FINDING WORK THAT MATTERS IN THE SECOND HALF OF LIFE. (New York: Public Affairs, 2007)
William A. Sadler. THE THIRD AGE: SIX PRINCIPLES OF GROWTH AND RENEWAL AFTER 40. (Cambridge: Perseus Books, 2000)
William A. Sadler and James H. Krefft. CHANGING COURSE: NAVIGATING LIFE AFTER 50. (Centennial, CO: The Center for Third Age Leadership Press, 2008.)
The Center for Third Age Leadership www.thethirdagecenter.com

New Options for the Second Half of Life by William A. Sadler, PhD (PART I)

joevanderkooy — Mon, 13 Jul 2009 20:15:33 +0000

Part I. The Third Age: What can it mean to us?

The life course has changed dramatically during the past century. Especially in developed societies like the United States, we have experienced a longevity revolution. The average life expectancy in the USA has increased thirty years – from 47 years in 1900 to 78 years in 2,009. In effect, we have received a thirty-year life bonus. The fastest growing cohort in America today is centenarians – from 3,000 in 1965 to over 70,000 in 2005. Those living to 100 may number one million in 2050.

Not only are many people living much longer than ever, some have begun to transform aging. What does it mean to be “old” today? Just thirty years ago the conventional view of aging was defined by D words: decline, degeneration, disease, disability, dependency, and decrepitude. Old age was said to begin at 60 and go steadily downhill. But now we are beginning to see a very different experience in this period in life. Recently we’ve heard that 60 is the new 40, 70 the new 50. Some seniors are showing that older can be much younger than we thought. Many Baby Boomers turning 60 are breaking boundaries of aging.

In contrast to the conventional view we have been learning about alternative models, such as successful aging, creative aging, vital aging, and aging well. In December, 2007 a conference on Positive Aging sponsored by AARP and other organizations in Saint Petersburg, Florida, brought together several hundred professionals and researchers to explore new options for aging. Aging isn’t what it used to be. As more and more people over 50 develop lifestyles very different from what we have seen in the past, research has been discovering what enables positive aging. As the psychiatrist Gene Cohen has explained, in the past thirty years we have learned that the brain, instead of diminishing, can add neurons and dendrites; and it can operate more creatively and effectively, using both right and left hemispheres simultaneously. Neuroscience’s discovery of positive brain plasticity has shown gains in cognitive capacity, which enables the kind of creative change in the life course of people that I have been following in 25 years of longitudinal studies.

In my book, THE THIRD AGE: SIX PRINCIPLES OF GROWTH AND RENWAL AFTER 40, I described people who have been growing after 50 rather than declining. Their lives have been marked by R words: renewal, rejuvenation, regeneration, reinvention, rediscovery, and redirection. In my next book, with co-author James Krefft, CHANGING COURSE: NAVIGATING LIFE AFTER 50, I focused on people who were sustaining what I call second growth into their 60s and 70s. These pioneers on a frontier of positive aging have shown me possibilities, opportunities, and challenges in a new middle period of life. I call this period the third age. In other countries this term just refers to an age of retirement. But for me it names an era in the life course after 50, made possible by a 30-year life bonus. The third age represents a new middle period with options for creative change and fulfillment, after a second age focused on achievement and preceding the fourth age, which is a period of completion after 80.

(PART II OF THIS ARTICLE WILL BE CONTINUED IN THE AUGUST NEWSLETTER)