Shortly after my granddaughter Luna was born into my own hands, I decided to add another dimension to my life’s calling as a midwife. I began to work with grandmothers. I was inspired by a historic gathering of 13 indigenous [...]]]>
Shortly after my granddaughter Luna was born into my own hands, I decided to add another dimension to my life’s calling as a midwife. I began to work with grandmothers. I was inspired by a historic gathering of 13 indigenous grandmothers from five continents who came together to form the International Council of 13 Indigenous Grandmothers in 2004 in upstate NY. They believed they were fulfilling an ancient prophecy, known by many of the world’s indigenous tribes: “When the Grandmothers from the Four Directions Speak, the Earth will be healed”
Out of concern for the planet and all its inhabitants for the next 7 generations, the Grandmothers stated: “We… believe that our ancestral ways of prayer, peacemaking and healing are vitally needed today. We come together to nurture, educate and train our children… to defend the Earth herself…”
The mission of these Grandmothers encouraged me to bring together grandmothers in this country. I created a project called Conscious Grandmothering – in order shine the light on what it means to each of us to be a grandmother, and how to make the greatest impact, both individually and collectively. The 40 million grandmothers in the US (a number growing larger everyday thanks to the baby boomers) are a powerful resource for the betterment of our families, our communities and our Mother Earth. There has never before been such a critical mass of older women with an education, a tradition of social activism, the ability to make a living, a computer and, for some of us, access to financial resources.
I define Conscious in Conscious Grandmothering as being Aware, Awake and Deliberate.
AWARE:
We must be aware that:
1) It is critical to fight the ageism that pervades our society, the myth that many of us believe, that we are useless has-beens when we become grandmothers. The truth is that several decades of living makes us more qualified, not less, for the job of protecting our planet and all its inhabitants.
2) The latest research on brain plasticity demonstrates that us “old dogs” not only CAN “learn new tricks”, but the part of our brains responsible for empathy and cooperation, so necessary for world peace, gets bigger and stronger with increased use.
3) We grandmother now in the context of a global movement of activist grandmothers. Paola Gianturco’s upcoming book, Grandmother Power, describes grandmothers from 150 countries on five continents “who are fighting courageously and effectively–against poverty, disease, illiteracy, environmental degradation, and human rights abuse–to create a better world for grandchildren everywhere.” (http://www.globalgrandmotherpower.com)
AWAKE:
Being awake in the present moment enables us to choose our response to the people and situations we face, rather than just react out of habitual unconscious patterns. An example of a critical moment in which to be awake is when we communicate with the parents of our grandchildren about cultural, personal or generational differences. Because of previous unsuccessful attempts, many grandparents adopt the strategy of “walking on eggshells” in relation to controversial issues. In Conscious Grandmothering we explore another strategy — that of being awake to our customary ways of communicating and the potential benefit of sharing our vital perspectives in more empowered and skillful ways.
DELIBERATE:
Being deliberate is honing our intention about how we want to grandmother. The huge changes that have occurred in the world since we ourselves were grandmothered – such as changes in family structure, technology, potential for longevity, global threats to the survival of our planet greatly affect our role as grandmothers. There is not necessarily a ready-made template for being a grandmother that we can adopt. We are neither necessarily sitting sweetly in our rocking chairs nor being the authoritative matriarch of our family. Being deliberate is not about being the “perfect grandmother” ; Its about grandmothering in a way that is consistent with our deepest aspirations.
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NOTE from The 3rd Act: If you are interested in exploring Conscious Grandmothering, Yeshi heartily invites you to her upcoming “Conscious Grandmothering” workshop at ESALEN Institute June 1-3.
Now is the time to connect with other grandmothers, to share our challenges and celebrate our joys. It is time to explore what we can accomplish with each other’s support and in alliance. Your calling might be to enhance your relationship with your grandchild, to bring a needed service to your particular community, or to address a global challenge. Regardless of the direction of your calling, I urge you to be a Conscious Grandmother, aware, awake and deliberate. The workshop will include the creation by the participants of a ceremony to celebrate the rite of passage to Conscious Grandmothering.
This gathering is not just for biological grandmothers, but also for any wise, elder woman who wants to be in council with kindred spirits, and cares about the world’s grandchildren.
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Bio:
Yeshi Neumann has been working as a midwife since 1970 in the US and internationally. For the last few years she has served as the principal educator in the maternal-child health project, called ”Jungle Mamas”, in the Amazonian Rainforest in Ecuador.
Yeshi co-founded the Women’s National Leadership Project in 1990 and has facilitated hundreds of workshop on women’s leadership, diversity, communication, conflict resolution and healing family relationships. She trains leaders from the non-profit, philanthropic, labor and socially responsible business sectors in the Art of Leadership at the Rockwood Leadership Institute.
Yeshi brings her passion for women’s empowerment, social justice and mindfulness to her work with mothers, grandmothers and community leaders.
Yeshi has developed a relevant and inspiring curriculum for the grandmothers of our time, “Conscious Grandmothering Workshops” and is the founder and director of the Conscious Grandmothering Council Network.
Yeshi is a Certified Nurse Midwife with a Master degree in Public Health. She is the mother of two grown daughters and the grandmother of two granddaughters both of whom were born into her own hands.
Yeshi can be reached at: yeshineumann@gmail.com, and www.mindfulfamilycircles.com
“We are among the first Boomers, born at the very beginning of that post-war explosion of fecundity. We have been on the cusp of cultural change all our lives, continually influenced by the last generation [...]]]>
We welcome guest bloggers, Dewey and Susan Watson:
“We are among the first Boomers, born at the very beginning of that post-war explosion of fecundity. We have been on the cusp of cultural change all our lives, continually influenced by the last generation while experiencing our own. This next phase of our lives is no different. The idea of retirement is “so last-generation,” in the words of our children. In the world of that last generation, now long lost to most of us, there were career-long jobs, defined benefit pensions, retirement ages, and gold watches. Except in the public sector—and even that is now under fire—such rewards are now mostly nonexistent. This means that our generation will live our next phase of life, what would have been called retirement, in an entirely different way.”
- From the Foreward, Shift and Shout
Making the Shift
In 2009, at age 64, we made the decision to move from our home of over 40 years in the East Bay hills, to the wine country of west Sonoma County. While many people choose to make such a move in retirement, we had no intention, or more importantly, ability, to retire. Moreover, we were completely happy with our lives together in Oakland, sharing a large community of friends and acquaintances garnered from a lifetime of community engagement.
Then one day, when Dewey was returning from a church retreat in Sonoma’s West County, he made up his mind. Several hours later, after a discussion of the pros and cons, Susan was ready to make the same move. Prior to that day, we had never given the idea of moving anywhere more than a fleeting thought. We decided to write about this experience in our book, Shift and Shout. William Sadler, a scholar and author of several books and studies of third age engagement, said:
“As someone who has been studying people who have been creatively designing a fulfilling “Third Age”, I am impressed and inspired by how Dewey and Susan have collaborated to create the life they truly want after 60.”
Actually, we were to find out what “we truly want(ed)” after we made our Shift. Prior to moving we saw ourselves imposing our Oakland life in another location with little thought given to how much the move would affect our daily lives. What we discovered was that the actual change of physical location, particularly to a beautiful and culturally active part of the world, acted in its own way to lead us to “what we truly want”.
The joys we write about of West County Sonoma (Shout) has been called a guidebook for anyone thinking of re-locating to this area. Our story of discovery of the wonders of this part of the world unfolds one musically themed chapter at a time. We had left all the urban amenities of Oakland (world class restaurants, music, and of course wine) to find the joys of living in an agricultural part of the world.
Writing the Book
The idea of writing the book evolved collaboratively. Every day our first year led us to new encounters, some as insignificant as a friendly clerk and some so astounding they rose to the level of a true adventure. When we shared these stories, others often responded with amazement. Susan began to think the stores noteworthy and suggested that we write a local column about West County from the eyes of the newcomer. But Dewey, an author of other books, suggested, why bother with a column, let’s just do a book. As we focused our energies on gathering more activities and experiences, we further broadened our discoveries of all that West County has to offer.
The experience of co-authoring the book presented challenges that brought out our different talents and united us in unexpected ways. Although the book is written in our separate voices (which is somewhat like listening to a conversation between us) each of us felt compelled to edit the other’s text. Unlike our professional editor, these comments were not neutral. They came with the charged emotions typical of any relationship and needed to be handled diplomatically (which did not always happen). The challenge of timing also weighed on us. Dewey, an experienced writer, would finish chapters in hours, moving on to the next story while Susan would take days to lend her voice. “How’s your chapter going?” became an unwelcome mantra. In the end, the process strengthened our love for each other and gave both of us new admiration for our respective capabilities. It honed our investigative and writing skills and left us with our own tale that transcends our individual oral histories.
Shift and Shout is our tribute to West Sonoma County, but it is also a memoir of why and how personal change (Shift) happens. It is the first scene of our Third Act.
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Dewey and Susan Watson Bios:
Dewey Watson is a 41 year San Francisco attorney who has held both public office and served as President of various non-profit organizations. He has written one historical book, The Family Story, and has blogged and written extensively both professionally and as an advocate for charitable causes. Susan Watson spent her career in the travel industry and has worked with numerous charitable organizations in the East Bay and now West County Sonoma. This is her first venture into the writing world.
“I don’t tell anyone my age,” my new retired, vibrant and active friend responded. We were sharing the details of our lives. After I had revealed my age along with other personal details, I asked her how old she was. I flashed on the memory of one of my aunts who didn’t tell anyone, even family, how old she was until she was well past 80. Why are we so fearful to reveal this piece of data about ourselves that is part of the public record?
Why?
As I pondered this question, I explored several possibilities. Is it because our culture extols the fresh-faced beauty of youth but not the creased face that records the smiles and puzzling frowns of life? Is it because we don’t value the wisdom, perspective and experience of those who have gone before us? Instead we value the impulsive spontaneity and innovative risk-taking of college drop-out entrepreneurs. Is it because a high number means we are closer to the end of our life and the recognition of our finite existence on this earth? Is it because we don’t want to acknowledge that we can no longer count on the physical strength and stamina of our bodies, as we did at twenty-five?
I believe the answer is yes to all of those possibilities and more. Because our society blatantly places more value on the young than on the old, we know that as we age, we face a lack of respect, rejection, exclusion and isolation. We fear the pain, illness and loss that growing old represents. We hear our politicians threaten to cut Medicare which may provide our only life-line to health care and medicine. We fear Social Security will no longer be the safety net that keeps many of us from living on the street. We worry we will out-live our savings knowing we either have no family to support us or that our family can’t or won’t support us.
Society Doesn’t Care
We are afraid to acknowledge our age because we know that our society doesn’t care about our elders. It is evident in the discrimination in the workplace, the caricatures in the media, the lack of funding for health care, the cuts threatening Social Security and in the subtleties of our daily conversation when we tell someone they don’t look 50 or 60 or 70. Dr. Robert Butler coined the term “ageism” in the late 60’s to describe the discrimination, attitudes and actions that institutionally and personally harm our elders. Ageism shapes our views and impacts our behavior. It keeps us from feeling good about who we are as we age, it breeds fear about our future and it challenges and weakens the very institutions that we need to care for us as we age.
What can we do?
Although we cannot stop the forward movement of our chronological age, we believe in our 3rd Act work that being proactive mitigates the corrosive effects of ageism on our own mental attitudes about age. When we can acknowledge the wisdom of our experience, cultivate the joy of being present and appreciate who we are, we begin to value our worth and contradict those ageist cultural views. By acknowledging our age as vital, healthy and active seniors, we begin to counter the old negative images of decline, disabled and worthless. Of course, that means that we also need to stay healthy, vital and active by keeping ourselves physically fit and socially engaged.
Will the tsunami of baby boomers now reaching 65 at the rate of 10,000 per day change our view of the elderly? Will the 78 million baby boomers moving into elder hood have the impact on our ageist views and values that this population wave has had as it swept through all the other institution in our society? I hope so. But as they age and the impact begins to be felt, I commit myself to an inner housecleaning of my own ageist views, staying physically fit and socially engaged… and finding ways to advocate for respect and caring of our elders, including myself.
As spring approaches, I notice my heart feels some excitement about the newness in my life. New shoots of possibilities in both my personal and professional worlds are peaking up between the cement cracks of what was supposed to be my planned and settled future. I had carefully plotted out the next 10 years. I thought I would be alone with my dog, living near my children and working as psychotherapist and coach in a part time practice in southern California. I loved this plan. It felt rich with grand mothering opportunities and the feel of challenges that any geographic move offers. My work in The 3rd Act felt clear and solid…something I could take with me to the “southland”. I had business connections and contacts that I was looking forward to nurturing and developing.
All that has changed. I am no longer alone. I met someone at a business meeting 6 months ago and we have become a couple. It is so remarkable after so many single years to be considering not just my own future but the concerns and desires of someone else for the next 10 years. How might these blend? Where do we both want to spend the majority of our time? Shall we keep our own places or venture into sharing a home? He likes plain simple food and I am a bit of a foodie. How will we include family and friends in to this new relationship? I am more of an introvert and he is clearly and extrovert. He likes jazz in the morning and I prefer silence. We both have lead full lives, how will we make the time for this new, hoped for but unexpected relationship ? (you might like to take a look at our new Couples Workbook)
Life just gets more and more deliciously complex. And there in lies the paradox of the third act. We can plan the culminating act of our life’s play with great intention but we need to be prepared for the unexpected. In my case the “unexpected” was positive but it might have easily been a negative like health or financial problems. Either way, we are presented with new challenges and perhaps even some “annoyance” that our plans have been disrupted.
Despite my comfort with my plans for my third act, everything is now excitingly up for grabs. A new script is emerging for the next scene. I am happily exploring new opportunities and facing new adjustments. Instead of winding down my private coaching and psychotherapy practice in Berkeley, I am envisioning it growing and developing. Rather than renting a part time office in Orange County, I am planning on redecorating the space I presently occupy. Rather than trying the latest “in” place to eat, I save that for friends and search out restaurant faire that both my partner and I can enjoy. Rethinking my family time in So Cal offers all kinds of alternate possibilities for dividing my time between Los Angeles area and the Bay Area. And our morning routine is a blend of quiet early on and soft jazz as the day progresses. Surprisingly, I am enjoying the change.
In this act, our choices become rich with nuance. Nothing seems to be quite straight ahead as we had assumed it would be. The richness and variety of the dishes laid before us on the 3rd Act table, can give our lives a particular kind of sweet taste not experienced in our second act. It reminds me that one of the hallmarks of this stage of life is the ways in which the themes of “The Play” are brought together and often resolved in a deep and satisfying conclusion as the curtain falls. A theme of your “Life Play” might be “how to balance time alone and time with others?” or “how much should I work and how much play do I welcome into my life?” to name just two. It’s exciting to imagine what my own dénouement will be; how my own themes will resolve themselves…I am very curious.
How have your third act plans changed?
Warmly, Bev and Patricia
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About five years ago my life changed forever when I struck and killed a bicyclist with my [...]]]>
Warmly, Bev and Patricia
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About five years ago my life changed forever when I struck and killed a bicyclist with my car on a dark night on the Big Sur coast highway. Until then I was living a peaceful, productive life in Carmel as a life-long marine biologist, underwater photographer and environmentalist when my future was irrevocably changed in an instant. For me, this was what Herman Wouk described as “a pivot in life” – one of those unexpected events that takes you on a completely different path than the one you envisioned for yourself in the comfort of an imaginary future. I went to prison for 2.25 years as part of a lengthy plea bargaining process for my part in this tragic event.
Harbormaster - Photo
Harbormaster - Drawing
While my contrition will never be complete, my personal belief system mandated that I at least try to make up for this gross, momentary error in judgment in any way I could. The only thing we can do about the past, (as painful as it may be) is to study it, make amends and move on in life with the hope that some good will come out of the bad. As a life-long educator, I assumed I would make some kind of contribution to “the system” through education during my incarceration. However, I had no idea that my time behind bars would be the watershed of my existence, and allow me to express my deep care and concern for humanity though my passion for the ocean, art and nature in the most unexpected of all places: One of the world’s largest prisons in the middle of the California desert. I found the good in humanity through nature, art and beauty, all of which I brought with me to this darkest of all places.
While I developed several education programs over my brief two-year stay, I started with what I knew best: Nature and art. My first program I called “The NATURE Project.” Remarkably, NATURE became the perfect acronym: Nature (and) Art; Truth (and) Understanding; Rehabilitation (through) Education. I took some of my underwater photographs of hermit crabs, starfish, sea lions and other beloved sea creatures and gave them to inmate artists to reproduce as drawings. I then took their art and self-published two books as collections of their work, which I gave to them, and them alone. Instead of drawing skulls, bitches and swastikas, these men were now expressing their artistic talents with subjects inspired by nature and beauty. It just felt great, for all of us. Even the cops asked for copies! Imagine the feeling of power and self-worth a convict gets by being able to tell his jailor “no, you cannot have a copy of my art, it is for me and my family.” For many, our books were the first tangible evidence that they were capable of creating something beautiful and good that they could share with the world.
Whale - Photo
And the impact didn’t stop there. Through carefully planned and orchestrated discussions on a wide array of subjects, I was able to embed a multi-layered learning program in our little art project that included topics from global warming to misogyny. These talking points demonstrated the universal attributes of nature and art to solicit thoughts and feelings about all aspects of life; an intellectual exercise most of us take for granted but one that rarely happens in prison.
Not only did this and my other education projects epitomize what Steinbeck called “the one great theme: Good versus evil”, but they also served a more personal, even selfish purpose: They reminded me of my own desire to live a happy, meaningful existence. I can assure you, there were many times when I felt like giving up on life. Feeling needed – through giving – is the only thing that kept me going. My periodic feelings of failure and worthlessness were the result of my “pivot”: I had to revise my worldview to find the good in myself, too.
I did this through service; it’s that simple. I had been raised by post-war era parents who instilled in me the three classic core beliefs of “honor, duty, country.” Before prison I had been living a life of service through my passion for connecting people with nature. But my personal battle with ignorance in prison showed me that I was needed THERE, where I was physically living at
Whale - Drawing
that precise point in time. I was giving in the most relevant way I could, where I was most needed, at just the right time. This gave me hope not only for others but myself as well.
A new friend recently asked me “so Charles, what’s the take away from all this?” I believe it is this: By giving of myself at the lowest point in my life I found the good in humanity in society’s darkest place. I saw how the search for good through service is a unifying theme that crosses all political and socio-demographic boundaries, races, creeds and colors. I saw how the universal powers of nature and art reveal the good in all people when applied in the name of service. I saw this happen when the inspirational element of nature – awe – is expressed through mankind’s greatest form of emotional communication – art. I believe this is exactly the kind of thinking the world needs now, here, in the present. This is my 3rd Act.
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Charles Seaborn Bio:
Charles Seaborn is an acclaimed underwater photographer and marine biologist. Born in Portland, Oregon, Charles was educated at the University of Hawaii, Hopkins Marine Station of Stanford University, the Marine Biological Laboratory at Woods Hole and Brooks Institute of Photography. His creative consulting firm, Seaborn Projects, develops interpretive exhibits and programs for zoos, aquariums, museums, nature centers and resorts. His last book, Underwater Wilderness, is an overview of America’s National Marine Sanctuaries, published by the Monterey Bay Aquarium. Charles is a former board member of the Coral Reef Alliance (CORAL). His commitment to interpreting the natural world to the general public has consumed his professional and personal life, and has taken him to four continents, as well as numerous spots in Oceania.
A recent article about Charles and his work appeared in SOMA magazine: For the Love of Nature
Contact: charles.llmgtl@gmail.com